“There are only two duties that our Lord requires of us; the love of God, and the love of our neighbor. And, in my opinion, the surest sign for our discovering our love to God is discovering our love to our neighbor. Be assured that the further you advance in the love of your neighbor , the more you are advancing in the love of God.”
This is a worthwhile contemplation- can we separate the love we have for God from the love we have towards others? Jesus taught “the heart of a genuine spirituality is love of God and others”, how closely connected are those two things? Can we emphasize one as more important? Did Jesus mean to prioritize them by saying “one” and “two?” Or was He giving us those two together?
The Greatest Commandment
The greatest commandment is to, “Love the Lord of God, with all your heart, soul and mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” - Matthew 22:37-40
It is telling that the love we have, or lack there of, or even view toward our neighbor, is a reflection of the way we feel toward God. In this season, I have noticed in myself a great fear and anxiety toward my neighbor.
Who is my neighbor?
That is to say that the word “Neighbor“ in this context is my Christian brother and sister, not just anyone whom I may see or interact with. It is my Christian neighbor, the brothers and sisters in the family of God are whom I have been afraid. I’ve been afraid of their neglect, their dismissal, their rage, their judgment, their thoughts toward me, and quite possibly an irrational fear of their potential abuse. These feelings aren’t 100% imagined in my own head, but from what I have seen brothers and sisters treating one another in recent times, it has made me even more afraid than ever of “the church.“
It’s like the verse in the song of Solomon that keeps coming back to me about the watchmen who go around the city who find the Shulamite at night and beat her (SOS 5:7). If I’m so vulnerable to go out looking for my beloved, will they find me and beat me up?
And furthermore, what this devotional thought has led me to consider is this: Am I putting on feelings towards God that I am experiencing towards my brothers and sisters in Christ? Meaning; am I distancing myself from God because I have fear of judgment, neglect, or spiritual abuse?
Fear Less, Love More
There was a time when I had no fear of people or the church, because in my own mind, I was living righteously, so righteously in fact that no one could judge me. Of course, they could judge me, but in my mind, I was righteous enough to have a defense against any judgment. I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel very guilty, full of shame, and constantly aware of all my sin and failure. My thoughts are filled with things like “people are just waiting to expose me at every turn”. That’s an awful way to think about people. In fact, that makes it quite difficult to love them and interact with them if you’re just afraid of them.
It goes back to “there is no fear in love…” I John 4:18. As I was driving through my neighborhood I saw this church’s signs all over and it just really spoke to me.
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”
Connecting to our Emotions
I have been in this interesting season of trying to connect to my feelings. I worked so hard for years to disconnect from them so I would not be emotionally driven, thinking that was immature, so disconnecting would be “mature”, right? but I found myself in this place of wandering from feelings/emotions. (I wrote about Feelings a while back if you’d like to check that blog out too)
I am beginning to believe that fear actually numbed me, disoriented me, and in fact did not prevent me from danger, but did quite the opposite than the warning signal it should be for us. It is possible then that ‘fear’ itself can disable the very emotions that are meant to connect us as humans. This ‘unhealthy fear’ actually desensitized me causing me to lose all feeling for men and God. Oh what a terrible thing to be numb!
The good news is, I am coming out of it. As I write this today, I am not on the other side of it quite yet, but able to see it, consider it, and choose to risk human connection for the sake of the greater fear- to be distant from God.
about this meditation + resource recommendation
This stemmed from a book series I have been going through with a group of ladies called, Emotionally Healthy Relationships. This quote from Saint Teresa of Avila came from one of the daily devotional passages, which are all incredibly thought provoking and helpful to healing and health of the soul, “Day by Day, a 40-day journey to deeply change your relationships”. I highly recommend this series if you need breakthrough or new tools for healthy relationship building and connecting.
*As an Amazon affiliate I may receive a small kickback from your purchases if you use my links.